You had a long day. You were excited to finally crawl into bed and fell sleep immediately, only to wake up in the middle of the night - and now you can’t get back to sleep. Normally you sleep okay, so this is extra annoying. Maybe it was a dream, needing to use the bathroom or get water, but now you’re awake. The harder you try to go back to sleep, the more awake your brain seems to get. You look at the clock and groan because the last thing you need right now is to be awake when you have to get up in a few short hours. You replay conversations from earlier, start questioning how you handled that thing at work, maybe even start questioning major life decisions.
Sound familiar? You aren’t alone.
Increased stress and anxiety can absolutely wake us up in the middle of the night. Many people struggle with sleep issues, whether it is difficulty falling asleep or trouble staying asleep. I don’t specialize in insomnia, but I am familiar with occasional middle of the night waking which can occur in people-pleasers who have anxiety. Here are some tools that I use to help deal with occasional waking up in the middle of the night and being unable to go back to sleep.
Good decisions rarely happen after midnight. Usually when we wake up in the middle of the night we are not thinking clearly and we’re operating out of our nervous system and not clear-headed thinking. As your anxiety increases, your ability to think through things clearly diminishes. The thing you are worried about often feels less urgent and less overwhelming, so save any big decisions or problem-solving until the next day. If there is something you really want to remember, jot it down with good old fashioned pen and paper in as little detail as possible so you can shut down your mind and deal with it in the morning.
Do NOT pick up your phone, unless there is an emergency. Blue light will only stimulate your brain and it will likely give you even more things to think or worry about.
Get out of bed. If you’ve been unable to get back to sleep for more than 20 minutes, physically get out of bed, leave your bedroom and go to something else for 20 minutes. Choose an activity that is calming or soothing, like light stretching, reading a book, box breathing or meditating. Try not to turn on a lot of lights, and if you do make sure they are dim. We are interrupting the anxiety or frustration loop your brain is stuck in by doing something different. Once your brain and nervous system feel settled, get back in bed and try to go back to sleep. You can also use tools you have learned to reduce anxiety.
Adjust the temperature in your bedroom if possible. Research shows that humans sleep best in cold rooms, maybe try turning down the thermostat or turning on a fan. The cool air can also help settle the nervous system.
Don’t judge yourself. Harping on yourself for being unable to go back to sleep doesn’t help, it only makes things worse. You are human and sometimes you’re going to sleep poorly, but it doesn’t have to be the end of the world. You might need to skip the early morning workout, shower later in the day, ask your partner to take the kids to school, or move back your alarm etc and that is okay. It’s okay to adapt when life things happen.
Try these tips and see if they help!
If you struggle with insomnia on a regular basis, it’s time to get help because chronic poor sleep can have a huge impact on physical and mental health. I recommend finding a therapist that specializes in working with insomnia. A popular treatment method for insomnia is called CBT-i, and many health psychologists can work with you to treat this issue. You can click here to find a health psychologist in your area.
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