Good boundaries play a crucial role in our mental well-being. Unfortunately, it’s also a term that gets thrown around haphazardly at times, or worse, used inappropriately. Here’s a quick and dirty explanation of the difference:
Boundaries are NOT: belittling or shaming others, an excuse to be intentionally mean to others, excuses to evade responsibility.
Boundaries ARE: Boundaries are essentially how you differentiate between what belongs to you and what belongs to someone else; emotionally, physically or mentally. Boundaries should be respectful but firm. Boundaries look like: Saying no, without providing an explanation. Limiting someone’s access to you, physically or emotionally, such as. Respecting your time. Not tolerating poor behavior from others or behaviors that make you uncomfortable.
When you’re not used to setting boundaries it can feel uncomfortable and even stressful at first. When you’re used to putting others’ needs before your own, or bending over backwards to make everyone happy it can even feel counter-intuitive and cause anxiety, but having good boundaries is necessary to reduce anxiety and improve your quality of life in the long run. Boundaries are essential for good mental health, protect yourself and others, and promote healthy relationships and interactions. It might be uncomfortable at first, but it’s a skill you can learn if you’re willing to tolerate some discomfort.
Finally, if you set a boundary, appropriately (i.e. respectfully and without being an asshole), the person lashing out at you is the one with the problem. They may not like the boundary, and they will likely be angry because they can no longer take what you are unwilling to give, and/or because it forces them to look at something within themselves. Sometimes people just don’t like hearing no, but that’s their problem - not yours. You’ve got enough to deal with without taking on other peoples’ stuff.
If you struggle to set boundaries are in the Denver area, Denver Therapy may be able to help. Click “book now” to schedule a free phone consultation. If you are not local you can search TherapyDen.com to find a local mental health professional.
DISCLAIMER: This is information for educational purposes only and is not therapy or a therapeutic intervention. Information in this blog should be used only in conjunction with working with a licensed mental health professional. Reading this blog does not constitute a provider-patient relationship. If you are looking for a local mental health professional feel free to schedule a consult or use TherapyDen to find a local therapist in your area. If you are experiencing a mental health emergency, call 911 or your local crisis line to speak with a professional.